I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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