There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
