Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
