and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
