I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
