Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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