dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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