his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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