The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Panties = found
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
