I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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