No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
