This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
