Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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