I wanna bring you to show and tell
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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