When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
