She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
