please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
