I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
