Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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