Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
