Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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