There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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