Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
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can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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