i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
