Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
