She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize