i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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