Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
