Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
