when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
