everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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