2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
