my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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