dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
