there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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