hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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