I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
