So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
