Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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