the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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