Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
