Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
