forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is Oprah even human
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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