so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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