love makes seman taste better
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
