There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
