dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
