We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
