dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
