remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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