Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't think brook has ever known best
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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