he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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