new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
