dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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