there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
