I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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