Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
