Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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