I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
