May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
