Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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