I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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