even my farts smell like vagina
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
