So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
