I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
