I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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