we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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