dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
