11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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