P.S. I can't hear my feet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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