dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
