there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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