Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
