I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
