it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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