he thought i was a dude.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
