quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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