this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
