I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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