im drinking this country out of the recession.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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