Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
