Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this is an emotional support booty call
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize