You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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