Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
